The guilt loop most founders live in (and how I broke it)

Most people are still relating to a version of you from two years ago.

They haven’t caught up to the changes you’ve made, the new habits you've formed, or the different outlook you have on life. And the less they see you, the longer that lag.

I went back to my hometown and caught up with family I don’t see much and the same old assumptions rolled out:

“What time do you get up these days, 3am?”

“You must still be working 80+ hour weeks.”

“Must be chaos owning a bakery at Christmas.”

That used to be true. But iIt’s not my life anymore.

I spent years rebuilding my weeks because I was sick of living in the guilt loop:

Guilty for not spending enough time at work

Guilty for not spending enough time at home

Guilty for not spending enough time looking after myself

On top of that, there’s the pressure to be first in, last out. Lead from the front. Prove you’ve still “got it”. Get to the gym. Be a decent partner/parent/friend.

The more I chased “balance” over the years, the more guilty I got because I wasn’t dedicating enough time to any of those important things.

Here’s what actually happened:

Big projects. Family events. Seasonal peaks. Sickness. Injuries. Travel.

They all smashed my nice clean plan. So while I was chasing this perfect image of balance, what I actually built was a permanent feeling of underperforming everywhere.

I finally realised that it wasn’t healthy feeling like shit all the time because I couldn’t meet a standard that only existed in my head.

The problem wasn’t the business, or the wacky judgments people place on you to be working harder than as the owner, or my family commitments or anything else.

It was my mindset.

So I did something simple that changed a lot.

I just decided what “good enough” looked like.

For me. Not for the version my family remembers from the early start-up days. Not for the employee who expects you to be around more.

It was just three questions:

What’s “good enough” at work for me right now?
What’s “good enough” at home, with the people I care about?
What’s “good enough” for my own health and head over the next 12 months?

This isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about being realistic. 

For me, right now, that looks like this:

Good enough at work means trying to focus on things only I can do. Then delegating or deleting everything else. Removing myself from meetings where other people can discover, debate and decide without me. And spending more time on culture, key hires, irreversible decisions and future bets we should be trialing. 

Good enough at home means not just being at home, but being conscious of what’s on my mind when I am. Being there, but not spending the whole time thinking about work.

Good enough for my health means getting my arse moving 4–5 times a week. Not 2–3 where it happens only if everything else gets done. 

If I hit that, I don’t get to flog myself to keep performing. I have a choice.

If I go above, great. If I fall short, I notice and recalibrate. But I don’t pretend the target is infinite anymore.

This doesn’t mean I don’t work hard. It means I’ve picked a line in each area and I’m trying to sustain it instead of constantly chasing an invisible perfect week of doing MORE.

Here’s what I had to accept:

Other people will be late to the party.

Your parents, siblings, old mates, and even some of your team. They’ll still think you’re the person you were a few years ago. They’ll keep making comments based on that which makes you feel that guilt for a moment.

You can’t control how fast they update their mental picture of you.

All you can do is decide who you are now, how you spend your time now, and hold that line long enough that the new version becomes normal.

If you want to try this, finish these three sentences:

Good enough at work means:
Good enough at home, with the people who matter, means:
Good enough for my own health and head over the next 12 months means:

Make them specific and achievable. Not some unachievable fantasy.

Then see if you’re willing to actually live by those instead of the impossible, constantly moving target you’ve been judging yourself against.

You’ll still have messy weeks. I do.

But it’s a lot easier to carry the weight of being a founder when you’re not also carrying a made-up story that you’re failing at every role in your life, every day.

I hope this helps you in the year ahead!